


Last Day of My Life

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, M/M, Wakes & Funerals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-02
Updated: 2017-02-03
Packaged: 2018-09-21 12:38:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9549329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Dean and Castiel attend the funeral of Jess. Sam and Jess had been together for over twenty years, since they were in first grade. She was his only love and now she was gone. Dean and Cas have been together for almost just as long and it is not until now that Dean realizes that he is not loving Castiel good enough.





	1. Jess Was His Only Love

“I know all of you expected for Sam to be standing up here right now,” Dean looked out over all the face; some of them were crying, some holding a look of shock and disbelief, still unable to believe that all of this was happening. “He tried. Maybe he will be able to find his voice soon, but until he can, I am going to be that voice for him.”

            “As you all know,” Dean continued one, “Sam and Jess met when they were in the first grade. Some jackass little kid, excuse my language, was picking on Sam for being so much taller than everyone else. Even then, he was the gigantic man that he is. So, here is this kid, calling Sam these names and out of nowhere, this little ball of blond curls shows up and knocks this kid on his ass.”

            There was small laughter from everyone looking up at him. None of this was funny but everyone there, anyone who knew Jess, knew the kind of girl she was. She was the girl who stood up for what she believed in, never raised her hand to ask a question and told you what she was thinking, even if it was not exactly what you wanted to hear. But she was also the sweetest girl in the entire world. Jess, if you needed it, would give you the shirt of her back and the last dollar in her pocket. She was truly all that was good in this world and now … now she was gone.

            “And that was it,” Dean choked on his words, suddenly regretting that he had offered to do this for his brother. “Sam came home that night and told our parents about this crazy little girl and after he was done, he looked to our mom and said ‘I am going to marry her someday,’ and did. Jess may no longer be with us physically, but what she gave to each and every one of us, that is something that is going to live on forever.”

            “I’m … I’m …” Dean looked over toward the casket that was closed, they had decided to keep it closed. It was just too hard for them to leave it open, especially since her children were sitting there, holding on tightly to their father. “I’m gonna miss ya, firecracker.”

            Dean brought his hand up and wiped away the tears that he could no longer hold in. Jess may have been married to his brother, but she had been in his life since she was six years old. She was the little sister that he never truly got to have and now she was gone.

            A few more people from Jess’ family got up and said a few words before they finished up the ceremony and moved on to the burial. That was the hardest part. You would think that saying your goodbyes would be the hardest part but watching them lower her into the ground was too much for anyone to take.

            “If you need anything,” Another random person said to Sam. Dean was surprised that Sam had not yelled. If it were Dean, he would have yelled at this point. He would not be able to just tell all these people who never contacted him before today ‘thank you’ for their offerings of help. Where were all of these people before today?

            “Thank you,” Sam said for the millionth time before Dean pulled him away.

            “Do you need me to drive you guys home?” Dean asked his little brother, who no longer looked like his little brother.            

            “No,” Sam shook his head. “Mom and Dad are going to drive me home and then take the kids for a few more days.”

            “Why don’t you come home with us?” Dean suggested. His brother needed time to get better but he also didn’t need to be alone. Being alone in this state was never good.

            “Yes,” Castiel added in, reaching out and running his hand down Sam’s arm. “You should come home with us. You should not be alone right now.”

            “I want to be,” Sam said firmly but not in a way that meant to be rude. “I kind of need the chance to just be …”

            “You promise to call if you need us?” Dean pulled his brother into a bone crushing hug.

            “I promise,” Sam nodded into Dean’s shoulder. Dean didn’t need to look to know that his brother had finally started crying, so Dean refused to let him go.

            It took them a while to pull apart, but soon, Dean was watching Sam and his children climb into their parent’s car.

            Dean said his goodbyes to people who were taking their time to leave, including Jess’ parents, before walking quietly to the car with Cas. They didn’t talk the rest of the way home, which was sadly normal for them. For the past fifteen years, Castiel and Dean had been together. But for the last six, it seemed like they were becoming less and less. Dean loved Castiel, he knew that he loved him. Castiel was his entire life but something had changed. Something had become … normal … no … routine.

            They were happy but things had shifted. There was a time when they would make love every day because they couldn’t get enough of each other. They would go out on dates and be overly romantic during times when it was not needed. Now they were an old married couple. They would both get up and go to work. They would take turns cooking dinner and then watch their shows on the DVR. Then they would head to bed and start all over. They would still make love but it was maybe once a week and even that felt routine or like a chore. When did Castiel become a chore?


	2. I'm gonna Pour Us a Glass of Wine

It had been a week since Jess’ funeral. Life was just starting to get back to normal. Both, Cas and Dean, had returned to work; The routines that were their lives, had also, began again. That was the last thing that Dean had wanted. He did not want things to go back to normal; he wanted thing to be better.

            “Hey, Bobby?” Dean stepped into his Uncle’s office without knocking. If he was any other employee, this simple task would have got him his ass handed to him. “Can we talk for a moment?”

            “What is it boy?” Bobby asked, not even bothering to look up from the profit sheets he was going over.

            “I know that I am scheduled to work until five,” Dean shuffled on his feet. Due to Jess’ death and then her funeral, they had all missed quite a bit of work. This caused their return to work to be a busy one. “But … uh … do you think it would be possible for me to cut out early today?”

            “How early is early?” Bobby inquired, finally bringing his eyes up to meet with Deans.

            “Two … maybe?”

            “Two?” Bobby chucked to himself. “On a Friday?”

            “I know,” Dean shoved his hands into his pockets, he knew he shouldn’t have asked. “I would not ask if it wasn’t important.”

            “Do I get to know the reason?”

            “Uh,” Dean was not sure if he should explain the situation or not. Him and his uncle were close but they were never, share their feelings close. He knew Bobby would understand but they liked to keep their personal lives … well, personal. “It’s personal.”

            “Skip lunch,” was Bobby’s response. It was not a requirement, more of a suggestion that he knew Dean would have no problem with. “Then you can leave at two.”

            “Thanks Bobby,” Dean smiled, taking this as a positive sign for the day. “I owe you.”

            “For the rest of your life,” Bobby laughed at the very parental phrase that came out of his mouth, but it was true. With all that he had done for Dean and his family over the years, they all owed him for the rest of their lives. “Now get out of my office and get back to work before I change my mind.”

            Dean worked quickly, but efficiently, the rest of the day. He wanted to make sure that he got as much done for Bobby as he could. Finally, one forty-five rolled around and Dean began to clean up his station.

            “Get out of here boy,” Bobby appeared behind him. Dean would have jumped but it was a normal thing around the shop, so he was good at holding the scared jump inside of himself.

            “I will,” Dean assured. “I just want to get my area cleaned up.”

            “I’ll make Garth do it,” Bobby waved Dean away. “Go.”

            “Thanks again, Bobby,” Dean set his stuff down and grabbed for his keys. “I’ll see you on Monday.”

_____

 

            By the time that Dean arrived home, it was nearly four o’clock. Castiel would not be home until sometime around six, depending on traffic after work. So, that gave Dean plenty of time to get things ready for the evening.

            Dean unpacked all the things that he had purchased at the store, put some meat into a marinade and then stepped into a shower. Castiel would not have time to shower but luckily, he had a job that he got to dress up nice for, so Dean wanted to make sure that he looked good as well. He couldn’t really be romantic covered in grease.

            Dean threw on a nice pair of jeans and a dark blue Henley. He thought about drying his hair but he decided that by the time Cas got home, it would have dried on its own, so there was no need wasting extra time.

            Once he was dressed, Dean took out the candles that he had purchased and laid them around the bedroom, followed by rose petals. He would not light them until he needed to but he wanted to be prepared as possible. He then made his way downstairs to get started on dinner.

There were two things that Dean was amazing at in life: fixing cars and cooking food. If he would not have become a mechanic, he probably would have wanted to be a chef. But in the end, he liked working on cars a hell of a lot more than he liked cooking for other people.

Dean put the potatoes into the oven, and worked at making his famous ‘salad from scratch’; he had always prided himself on never buying pre-packaged rat food. It tasted better homemade as well.

Once the parts that took the longest were going, Dean began to set up the dining room. He set out their best plates, which were just the plates at the bottom of the plate stack, the ones that had not been eaten off of in forever, so they looked a little nicer. He then set out some wine glasses and put a bottle of wine in a bucket to chill. To finish it off, he put sun flowers in the middle of the table and lite a few candles before dimming the lights.

It was now time to cook the meat. Dean turned on the stove and got the steaks going. They were best to be cooked last so that they did not get cold or have to be reheated. Just as he was moving them to the plates, he heard the garage door open, indicating that Castiel was home. It was go time.

Dean quickly finished the plates and got them set onto the table before making his way into the living room to greet Castiel. Dean was always home before Castiel but he was generally watching tv or in his office or not here at all. But today, he was going to greet Castiel at the door.

You would think that after being with someone for fifteen years and having been best friends with them for many years before that, Dean would no longer feel nervous. But right now, his heart was racing and his palms were sweaty. It was as if this night was the night that would determine their future and in a way, it was.

“Dean?” Castiel pushed open the door and almost stepped back when he found Dean standing there, a look of confusion penetrating from his eyes. “What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” Dean smiled, knowing that they had gotten a lot of bad news lately and he wanted Castiel to know that none of this was bad. “Everything is great.”

“Okay, good,” Castiel gave him a smile as he made his way into the house and shut the door behind him. Before he had a chance to take off his coat and hang it up, Dean was behind him, helping his do it. “What is going on?”

“You’ll see,” Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled his back to him. “How was your day?”

“Long,” Castiel leaned his head to rest on Dean’s check. “Having missed just those two classes, I have had to restructure this entire term. It has been exhausting.”

“Same with at the shop,” Dean leaned down and grazed his lips along Castiel’s neck. Castiel perked up beneath him and Dean’s heart flutters. “Hungry?”

“Uh …” Castiel tilted his head up to Dean, trying to figure out what was going on. “Starving.”

“Good,” Dean pulled away from Castiel and walked in front of him, before taking his hand and leading him into the dining room.

“Dean,” Castiel exclaimed when his eyes caught sight of all Dean’s hard work. “This is … what’s the … I love it.”

“Good,” Dean smiled, the biggest most genuine smile he had produced in a long time. He then pulled Castiel in for a short, soft kiss. “I was going for loving it.”

“Well you succeeded,” Castiel smiled, moving to sit down in the chair that Dean had pulled out for him.

Dean moved around the table and took a seat. He did not want to sit in the seat next to Castiel while they ate. He knew that if he sat next to him, it would be hard to get through dinner. He had worked himself up so much with the set up that he was having trouble with keeping his hands off of Castiel.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“What is all of this for?”

“You’ll see.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.” Dean smiled up at Cas. “Just eat.”

They made small talk about work as they ate. Cas hated that he had to chance the structure of his classes. He was a man of habit and figuring out what to take out or how to lessen something to teach was killing him. He would figure it out though. He would also probably make a million different lesson plans for all his classes now. That way, he would be prepared for whatever happened from now on.

“This was wonderful,” Castiel looked down at his empty plate and took another sip of his wine. “Truly wonderful.”

“The night is not over yet,” Dean got up from his seat and put out a hand for Castiel. “Care to join me?”


	3. Like it's the last day of our Lives

Dean lead Cas into the living room and positioned him in the middle of the floor. He then left him there and made his way to the other side of the room so that he could dim the lights. Cas’ eyes followed Dean with every movement that he made, from the light, all the way over to the stereo system. Dean clicked on the music and Castiel was surprised to not hear some rock song come out of the speakers. Dean slowly made his way back over to Cas as the music started playing and took him in his arms.

 

_I just left Bobby's house:_

_The service was today._

_Got me thinkin' about how fragile life is,_

_As I drove away._

_You know Amy was his only love,_

_In a moment, she was gone, long gone:_

_It could have been me or you._

_Oh, baby, there's no time to lose._

            Both men had tears in their eyes at the words. Cas knew that it was Jess who had died and Sam who had lost her. It was still fresh and the thought of it was saddening, but Dean kissed him and tried to pull him back into the now. He needed for Cas to understand what all of this was about.

 

_So, I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses,_

_An' pour us a glass of wine._

_An' I'm gonna put on a little music,_

_An' turn down the lights._

_An' I'm gonna wrap my arms around you,_

_An' rock you all through the night,_

_An' I'm gonna love you,_

_Like it's the last day of my life_

            “Dean, you don’t have to …” Dean put his finger up to Cas’ lips to stop him from talking.

            “I do,” Dean leaned in and kissed him before pulling a box out of his pocket and dropping to his knees.

            “Oh, God,” Cas brought his hands up to cover his mouth, more tears falling from his eyes.

            “Lawrence Day Preschool,” Dean said the words and Cas could not help but laugh. “I begged my mom to stay with me because I was not ready. Then this crazy haired, big blue eyed little boy called me a cry baby.”

            “Well,” Cas finally brought his hands down so he could speak. “You were crying.”

            “That is not the point,” Dean laughed. “The point is that I was distraught and you were making fun of me. Can I continue?”

            “Please.”

            “So, this rude little boy, who didn’t know how to filter his words, was making fun of me. So, I told my mom to go, I could do it all on my own. But, never once have I had to do it alone. Because five minutes later, that same little boy who was making fun of me, found out that he had to sit next to me for the whole class.”

            “I was traumatized,” Cas laughed. “Not sure how I even made it.”

            “But seriously,” Dean continued, working to fight back more tears. He told himself he was not going to cry, but even then, he knew that he was going to. “If you would have told me then, that the little boy who gave me strength that day, would forever continue to be the boy … the man, who gives me strength every single day … I would never have believed you. But, you are. You are what makes me whole. You keep me alive on days I am not sure I can crawl my way out of bed. You were the reason I was born. And I may forget to bring home roses and I may order pizza often, because it’s easy. And I may forget to kiss you goodbye in the morning, because I have this stupid habit of running late. But I am going to promise you one thing. I am going to always love you, like it’s the last day of my life.”

            Dean shifted up to one knee and took Castiel’s hand into his. This was something that should have happened years ago, but Dean never thought it was who he was. He was not the guy that got married or settled down. But then he realized, and was angry that it took losing Jess to see, that he was exactly that man. He was already settled down. He was working hard to make sure that him and Cas had all they ever wanted. But he did not have one thing that he wanted and he was going to change that.

            “Castiel James Novak,” Dean’s hand began to shake. “Will you marry me?”

            “Dean Henry Winchester,” Castiel dropped to his knees in front of Dean, bringing them eye to eye. “Nothing in this world would make me happier than to be your husband.”

_____

 

            “I … have … one … more …” Dean tried to talk as they made their way up to their room but Cas would not let their lips be apart long enough to get a full sentence out. “Surprise.”

            “Really?” Cas finally pulled away, his eyes bright, even in the dimly lit hallway.

            “Yes,” Dean leaned in and kissed Cas on the nose, afraid that if their lips caught again, they would not pull apart. “But I need you to wait here.”

            “What?” Cas tilted his head to the side and Dean almost couldn’t control his desire to pull Cas in. “Why?”

            “Don’t ask questions,” Dean opened the door just enough for him to slide in. “Just wait.”

            Dean shut the door behind him and quickly made his way around the room to light the candles. He then turned off the main light, leaving only the candles to light the room. Before heading back toward the door, Dean put some provisions on a nearby table, not wanting to have to search for them later.

            “Okay,” Dean finally opened the door for Castiel to come inside.

            “Oh, Dean,” Castiel’s face lit up again and Dean never wanted that to go away. He wanted to do whatever he could every single day to make Cas light up and smile. “It’s perfect.”

            Dean moved in behind Castiel and pulled him against him, like he had done at the front door earlier. Only this time, Dean reached around to worked Castiel out of his clothes. He pulled at his tie, loosening it up before working to unbutton his shirt. Once the shirt was off, he moved to the jeans, stopping when Cas went to remove his tie the rest of the way.

            “No,” Dean stopped him, moving Cas’ hands down to his sides. “Leave it. It’s hot.”

            “Mmm,” Castiel moaned, leaning his head back against Dean and letting him lead.

            Dean moved his hands back to Castiel’s pants, first removing the belt and then slowly undoing them, letting them slip down to Cas’ ankles. Cas pulled his feet out and soon, he was being pushed back toward the bed. Dean turned him around, slipping his fingers into the band of his boxers and pushing them down as well. Cas kicked out of those and moved down to remove his socks.

            “You are so beautiful,” Dean moaned, leaning in and kissing around Cas’ collar bone. “And you are all mine.”

            “Yours,” Cas tilted his head back, giving Dean complete access to his neck, which he was now nibbling at.

            “Lay down,” Dean instructed Cas and he did it without question.

            “Can I take your clothes off you?” He asked, looking over Dean who was still fully clothed.

            “No,” Dean shook his head with a smile. “You get to lay there.”

            Cas laid his head back against the pillow and let Dean do whatever it was he had planned. Dean admired him from the edge of the bed, looking down at his naked body, well, he was still wearing his tie. But Cas was beautiful. He had forgotten how beautiful he was because somewhere along the line, he stopped looking. But now his eyes were open and he could see just how beautiful he was. He was his rude little angel, the one who brought him to life.

            Dean watched as Cas started to get antsy. He could tell that Cas was starting to grow conscious of the fact that Dean was looking him over so intently.

            “Beautiful,” Dean said again as he got down onto his knees on the bed.

            Dean pushed Cas’ legs aside, just enough to move himself between them. He then slowly ran his fingers up Cas’ legs and over his thighs, ghosting his fingers over the spots that he knew were extra sensitive. Those moments would cause Cas’ cock to twitch and Dean smiled when it was hard before Dean even had a chance to give it any attention.

            Dean ran his fingers up between Cas’ legs, but refused to touch his cock. Castiel moaned at the closeness, pushing his hips up to try and find Dean’s fingers, but Dean pulled away. He was not ready yet. He wanted Castiel to be desperate for it.

            “Dean … I can’t … please,” Castiel began to mutter.

            “I have barely touched you,” Dean smiled, “and I have barely even touched you. So, damn beautiful.”

            “Please,” Cast begged again and Dean could no longer deny him. Lowering himself, Dean kissed against Castiel’s thigh, slowly trailing them up to the base of his cock. Castiel let out a guttural moan and that was all it took. Dean brought himself up and sucked the head of Cas’ cock into his mouth, rolling his tongue over the tip. “Fuck.”

            Dean slowly worked the rest of Cas’ cock into his mouth until it was pushing against the back of his throat. He worked to swallow around it, knowing how much Castiel loved that sensation and he got just the reaction his was looking for. Once again, Castiel cried out and arched his hips into the air but Dean quickly pushed him back down, holding him against the bed.

            “Dean,” Castiel cried out, fingers gripping the bed. “I am not going to … oh, god.”

            Dean sunk down all the way on Castiel’s cock again, just as Castiel let go. Dean worked hard to swallow all of it but it was too much, as some leaked down onto Castiel’s skin. Dean used that to his advantage and took what he could onto his finger. He then trialed his finger down between his legs until his finger pressed against his ass.

            “Oh, god,” Castiel cried out again. Dean hadn’t given him any chance to recover and that was the point.

            Dean suddenly pulled away and Cas whimpered beneath him. He did not stay away long, just enough time to quickly remove his clothes and discard them wherever they landed on the floor. Soon he was back between Castiel’s legs, spreading them further apart and sinking his face down. Normally, he would use lube but tonight he wanted all of Castiel. He wanted to taste him, open him up completely. He wanted to be all that there was between them and Castiel reacted as if he was more than pleased by this gesture.

            Dean licked and sucked around the tight ring of muscles, occasionally slipping his tongue past the tightness. It did not take long for Cas to come undone and just as Cas was about to start saying something, Dean slowly slipped his index finger in to the first knuckle. Castiel fell completely back against the bed, legs lifting up so that he could push himself against Dean’s finger.

            Slowly, Dean licked and sucked and fucked at Cas with his finger, opening him up until he could slide another finger in. He repeated these actions until Dean had three fingers fucking into Cas, occasionally rubbing against Cas’ prostate, sending his hips off the bed with a cry.

            “Please,” Castiel begged repeated. “I need you … please … Dean … please.”

            Dean licked at his hand and ran it up and down the length of his cock, getting it wet enough to slip inside of Castiel. Once he felt that it was wet and safe enough, he pulled Castiel to him, lifted his hips up and slowly sank into him, Cas crying out in pleasure with every inch that entered him until Dean was all the way in.

            Dean was still for a few moments, letting Cas move around him until he was used to the feeling. Once Castiel started to move quicker, Dean took that as a sign and began to move with him, slowly thrusting in and out of him.

            “More,” Castiel cried, digging his feet into the bed.

            Dean obeyed the request and started to snap his hips back and forth, faster and with just a little more force than before. Soon, all you could hear in the room was their cries and the sound of skin slapping against skin. It was intoxicating and Dean knew he was not going to be able to last much longer.

            “Yes,” He cried out, repeating himself over and over. “Oh god baby, you are so perfect; so tight.”

            “Touch me,” Castiel demanded breathlessly.

            Dean reached down between them and took Castiel’s cock into his hand. He worked to pump it with the same speed and rhythm that Dean was fucking into his with.

            “I’m gonna,” Dean cried out.

            “Yes,” Castiel followed.

            Dean’s thrusts became chaotic as he came inside of Cas at the same moment that Cas came between them both. The tightness of Cas’ ass contracting around his cock as he came almost caused Dean to pass out, but he held one, riding Cas through his orgasm.

            Dean allowed them some time to relax, before slipping out of Cas and collapsing to the bed beside him.

            “That was,” Dean tried to speak but he still did not have complete control over himself.

            “Long overdue?” Castiel asked, turning himself into Dean’s side and cuddling against him.

            “Yes,” Dean felt the tears beginning to form behind his eyes. “I am so sorry it took me so long.”

            “Hey,” Castiel reached up and rested against Dean’s cheek. “We both took too long to get to this point. You don’t need to be sorry because this was on both of us, not just you.”

            “I promise it won’t happen again,” Dean let a tear fall down his cheek and Castiel wiped it away with his thumb.

            “I promise the same,” Cas leaned in and kissed Dean, softly but with so much emotion, Dean could almost taste the desperation.

            Cas finally pulled away and cuddled against Dean, neither of them seeming to care that they were laying in a mess of cum and sweat. They were too tired to move and neither was ready to break away from the other.

            “ _And I’m gonna love you,”_ Dean began to sing softly, closing his eyes.

            “ _Like it’s the last day of our lives,”_ Castiel sang along with him.

            “Yeah,” Dean smiled, finally allowing himself to fall asleep. _Yeah._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called "Last Day of My Life" by Phil Vasser. I do not own the song. I just chose to use it for this story. In fact, the entire story is based on this one song.


End file.
